


Losing What I Don't Deserve

by lonlygnome



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Fear, Gen, Kirk feels bad, Scotty isn't dealing with it, Tumblr rp character backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonlygnome/pseuds/lonlygnome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After waking up to find Kirk dead behind the glass Scotty slowly losses his connection to the family of the Enterprise</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing What I Don't Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my first time writing for this fandom but it's my first posting here. Back story and characterization for Scotty are based my rp blog (cantkeepittogether).
> 
> Un-betad. Any mistakes are my own. Feedback's very welcome!
> 
> Don't own characters or Stark Trek.
> 
> Title and inspiration from the song Burning in the Skies by Linkin Park.

The days when he would have run away, could have run away, and pretended he wasn’t a part of this were long gone. Further gone then even he knew. The crew had taken him in as part of the family, the broken presence of Uhura under his arm a clear sign of that. No, he was a part of this, his fault. He’d resigned, left them to their own fate, and even in returning hadn’t brought any relief from the sense of loss that came with watching his lady fly away without him. Now though, now it was abandoned. He didn’t register as Spock roared and Uhura followed the Vulcan out of the engine room. Didn’t move until the continuous chime of the decontamination process ending beat out the calm hum of the warp core. Then he moved quickly, numbly, reaching the door to catch the Captain before his body slid the rest of the way to the floor. He put in the call himself, impressed under the shield he was slowly re-erecting that he was able to get the words out. “McCoy, the Cap’ian, he’s gone.” He sat silently, holding his Captain until the medics came, slowly eased him away from the man who’d given him a better life. One where he had something good to stand for. He watched numbly as they loaded the body onto a stretcher, carried him out of the room.

\----------------------------------

It was a tough act, convincing Star Fleet that no, he didn’t indeed need a dismissal, that yes he still could work on a ship. No, not necessarily the Enterprise. Just get me back to the stars. An act, but not one he was unused to wearing. The knowledge that Kirk (No, his Captain, he didn’t have the right to call him anything else) was laying comatose somewhere, breathing and heart beating, did nothing to cure Scotty’s sense of in aptitude. That he was losing, had already lost, something he’d never deserved. All good things must come to pass. The few times the crew tried to find him, after their briefings on the Khan incident were over, Scotty ignored them. Took to wallowing in places he knew few could find him. Keesner did that, found him in a hidey-hole. But no, not that, he didn’t deserve him either. Friends, people to stand by him, fight for him, were something he left destroyed in his wake. It hurt burning the bridges behind him. Ignoring messages, knocks on his door. All he ever did was talk to the Admirals about his new duties, conduct those duties, and wallow in his guilt. He couldn’t let the others see him. They were innocent. Just as they had been all along. He came into their lives, dragged a dark creature in right along with him.

The message one morning from McCoy read simply “The bastards awake again.” Scotty got the message—Kirks fine, up and kicking as usual, you’ve haven’t come yet so don’t bother. It didn’t hit as hard as he’d expected. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to face the man when there were no repercussions. He could do it even less when the man would be right there to throw things back in his face. So Scotty morosely went back to his routine. Trying so hard to leave another stretch of his life behind him.

\---------------------------------------------

Kirk was stubborn. There was no one in Star Fleet who would even bother trying to argue with that. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. All he’d wanted from the moment Bones told him Scotty’d never been in to see him--even asked how he was doing. It had taken some prying but even hearing Scotty hadn’t responded to any of the crew’s pleas—was to find his Chief Engineer. Offer his apologies, ask for his forgiveness. Kirk didn’t want to image what had run through the man’s head when he awoke to find him in the chamber. But the man didn’t deserve to live whatever grief he’d built around himself. So he’d struggled, used his contacts, found the person he was looking for. What he hadn’t been expecting was for it to be in a dive bar, figuring Scotty had better taste then that, out of which Scotty ran as soon as he spotted the Captain across the room.

\------------------------------

“Don’ bother Cap’in,” stated Scotty, glaring at the man in front of him, “Don’ apologize.”

“Scotty! Come on,” Jim’s voice had almost reached a plea, making him glad no one else was around to hear their confrontation, “You can’t be…” He was interrupted.

“Can’ be?” Scotty snapped, “Can’ be?” his voice rising slightly as he spoke, “Tha’s not fer ye Mr. James Tiberius Kirk ta decide. I can an’ canno’ do exac’ly as I please! An’ if tha’s ta lose all ties wi’h the En’erprise? Then leave me ta my bloo’y loss. Stop draggin’ i’ back ta my face.”

Taking a back slightly by Scotty’s resolve Jim blinked a few times before saying seriously, “Scotty, don’t act like you have to lose your damn home, your family! Pavel’s tearing himself apart for not finding you himself, Uhura can’t stand to know she didn’t return the support you gave her. Damn, even Bones is going on about missing you showing up a few days too late for treatment.” He moved slowly forward, as if afraid to scare off a skittish animal, fighting his own need to run, to not have this chick-flick moment with his CEO. Finally resting a steady hand on the man’s shoulder he said softly, “Come on home.”

Scotty shook his head, still too lost in the storm that had been brewing his whole life and finally broken the horizon. “I can’,” he said looking down, “I’ve alrea’y los’ wha’ I di’n’ desrve. Don’ try ta take me back. Bu’ maybe, someday, I’ll break through a wall an’ take ye up on i’ Cap’in, bu’ not now. No’ af’er tha’.”

Kirk was willing to accept that offer, time was all his friend was asking for and that he could give. Giving Scotty’s shoulder an awkward pat Kirk swallowed morosely and nodded, “The core will always be there for you.”


End file.
